It’s almost 12am and I’m here with my laptop trying to write something worthy so that I can post it😬. The thing is I haven’t been consistent about writing my thoughts down and also I haven’t been consistent about reading content. I try to blame it all on my college schedule but the thing is I’m just lazy ass doing nothing productive. If I would have been productive then you wouldn’t be reading this random 12am talks.
I hate what I have become, I’m just not disciplined towards my hobbies and that’s the reason of not being consistent. Another thing I have noticed that I have stopped planning my tasks. During the pandemic when college was online I had a lot of time to explore all my likings and work on them, I planned everything so well. But now someone owns my time i.e college assignments and exams. The feeling when you understand that you can’t control everything in your life is just not cool.
According to a research the most happy people are those who have their time under their control. Imagine you being able to do anything you want for how long you want, whenever you want, that feeling of being free is so joyous. I had all these things planned like everything used to be so scheduled and organized. I miss that time of me being so organized. Now I hate this version of myself and think that the previous version made so much progress. That’s the thing we need to overcome, we are never going to be the same even if we are on the verge of death we will be still evolving.
Sometimes we as children blame parents about being rude and strict with us but you know what they are also evolving everyday. They might be wrong sometimes after all they are humans too😇. The thing is even if don't like this version of me who is less productive and is a night owl nowadays i still have to accept myself and like those small things about me😌💫. There are still going to be somethings I adore about myself even now. I'm trying to be happy with that. I'm still growing maybe not at a very fast pace but neither I'm stagnant. Just accepting this version of me is going to make me happy. Also you wouldn't have heard this 12am nonsense i was way too productive.
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