Last month I wasn't able to get into one of the top 5 hotel schools in my country. That was a total disappointment for me when my marks didn't meet my expectations. That feeling of disappointment was so bad just because I didn't hit the target which I wanted. The fact that I didn't meet my expectations hit me more hard. You the one who is reading this do you have some expectations regarding yourself like scoring good marks in your upcoming exams or getting a job in your first interview? Why do you think that you are going to succeed or why do you have these notions that you are going to give the best shot? Keeping things positive is fine but when positivity turns into expectations it creates a problem. Expectations are the hierarchy status of your goals. Lets' discuss how it is ruining your life and why you should not expect from yourself.
The target-driven process. Expectations are the targets that you always want to hit because they give you a sense of accomplishment. When you have a goal and you have the sense to achieve it and then you have that feeling that you are definitely going to make it. Your goals should be process-based, not outcome-based. Getting the best college might not be under your control but solving 50 math problems every day might be. Once you have a process-based goal you develop very rapidly. This idea of process-based goal comes from James Clear's book 'Atomic Habits' read its book summary here. The caveat here is to have process-based goals and not outcome-based goals. When you have expectations from outcome-based goals you might get disappointed if you don't achieve them because outcome-based goals are never under your control.
Expectations between people.
You can have expectations not only from yourself but from others as well. People can expect the best from you whether it's your relationship or your working environment. But, when you start expecting from a person it's more often the wants. It's always "I expect you to do this or that because I think you can do it". People are good with you when you met their expectations but, the day when you don't fulfil their expectations it becomes a catastrophe. It's like a huge minaret of your image collapsing in their mind. These people should understand that everyone makes mistakes all are humans here. When you accept the person for the way they are, that makes a strong bonding between the two. Don't expect from others, accept their original selves. Aditya Birla the former CEO of the multi-billion dollar company Hindalco Industries had a senior employee who lost the company millions of dollars because of his mistake. Everyone in the company thought that he would be fired. But Mr. Birla made his decision patiently. He wrote down all the pros about the person on a piece of paper also the deals which made the company millions of dollars because of his efforts. His qualities outweighed his flaws and he wasn't fired. Mr. Birla turned all his attention to the person's good qualities and forgive him for his mistake. The important thing you should learn from here is that when a person doesn't meet your expectations and you get disappointed you should focus on the good qualities and what the person gave you. Recall the good things about the person.
I will be happy when... One more thing that expectations do is it postpones your happiness. I will be happy if I get good marks. I will be happy if I get the job. I will be happy if I get the promotion. Do you know what you are doing? You are setting level after level to become happy. But if you keep doing this you won't be happy. If you keep expecting from yourself then you aren't going to be happy until the end of your life. Be happy right now with what you have even if you have imperfections. Stop expecting from yourself.
I learned a very important lesson from my experience that we shouldn't have any expectations from ourselves instead we should accept the way we are even with imperfections. Now I look at the positives. So what if I don't get admission in one of the top 5 hotel schools, I got admission in one of the top 10 hotel schools. I know I had given my best to achieve the mark also I scored my personal best in the exam. So I don't feel disappointed now. I know that I am good with my imperfections and you are also. Accept yourself.
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