Hi, I am Aditya, I am 18 years old and I have been living alone for almost 8 years now. Living alone doesn't mean I have been on my own for the whole time but being alone most of the time. In this post, I am going to take you through the past of my life and how I have been struggling around people with all the anxiety and introvertish behaviour. This blog includes things that I learned from my life as my friend keeps on saying "Life is the best teacher, if you look at your past you will understand how much you have learned". So I am trying to reflect on my past in this post, also as I ran out of ideas and this subject struck my mind I had no choice other than to write about it without even noting any important points. This is kind of an unscripted post. Let's begin.
I am the only child of my parents. Both parents are working 9-5 or even take shifts so I have been living with most of the time by myself. Before I turned 10 I went to m granny's house for babysitting kind of thing. But after that, my school timings changed and then I had to rush to school rather than go to my granny's house. When I turned 11 I told my parents that I would live alone just like other kids say "I am not a kid anymore". The first few days were kind of scary I used to be afraid most of the time as I used to think there's a monster living in our bedroom 😂, or some stranger would break into our house. But after some days, I was used to it and then I was just having fun all the time watching TV most of the time eating junk. After around 2 more years I started cooking on my own and now it has become not only a task but the whole loneliness support system. That's how I got into culinary school.
So after a proper context, I would love to talk about the pros and cons of living alone and what did I actually learn from it.
Spotlight effect and social anxiety. After living alone for most of my time I developed social anxiety and I become an extreme introvert. Always awkward around people. The spotlight effect always spread through my nerves like molasses. Every time I used to go out I used to think "that person is definitely judging my dressing sense, the wait is there something on my face why is she looking at me?". Even I struggle to start a conversation with my cousins or strangers, mom always forces me to get into a conversation 😅. Took a long time to get out of that feeling but still I feel the chills today also. Whenever this thing toggles up in my mind I always think "Nobody cares, people are thinking about themselves most of the time". Read this post where I have explained all the stuff about loneliness and how it is becoming a major issue. Pandemic posed a real obstacle in my situation, no one to talk to and you can't leave the house. So I decided that I would participate in social activities to get rid of the social anxiety and to escape my comfort zone. I even decided that I would rather ask a question during a meeting or lecture. First I used to ignore social interactions now I try every bit to interact with people as networking is much more important. The best advice I would give you is to get out of your comfort zone. I have never regretted getting out of my box.
You think too much... Now consider this situation you are alone at your house nothing to do you are bored from watching TV and tried all other types of entertainment sources and now you want to sleep. The only thing that is between you and deep sleep is overthinking. You get more thoughts when you are alone. Living with your own thoughts is much of a hassle. Someone represented overthinking perfectly. My life is full of problems that never happened. You keep on thinking about the things which never happened and would ever happen to you. Daydreaming is another thing that you would like to not get into. So my solution to this problem was to keep myself busy no matter what I would not settle down idly. Sit idle and keep thinking about the unrealistic misery or do something which would help you to enhance your identity. I calculated how much time I was wasting and used to learn new things like coding, writing posts like this one, learning Spanish, even reading books. Just keep yourself busy build your character. If you have time then, why you are wasting it. There's someone on a hospital bed right now in the world who is begging God for more time to live. Find yourself much lucky. You won't waste your time after thinking about that quote.
You become used to yourself. When you don't have a sibling you have to watch your step because no one is going to correct you other than your friends. So you need to understand that no one is going to help you physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, you have to help yourself. Once you have that in my mind that "You are on your own" you make things happen on your own. Take control of your happiness don't depend on others for your own feelings. Don't give others, remote control of your emotions. Be your own healer.
Living alone makes you feel kind of independent but there are sometimes when mishaps happen. Once I kept the gas stove on for around 4.5hrs because I was multi-tasking while cooking which was an absolutely bad idea until my mom noticed it after she was back from work. I was saved that day. Mom was shocked to the core when she saw that but things like this happen 😬. Now I avoid multi-tasking while cooking and keep checking the gas knob.
The takeaway from this blog was that how you can actually turn adversity into advantage. Another thing I would like to say is that I haven't written this post to gain any kind of sympathy but I wanted to put my words out so that someone who is dealing with being alone can read this so that he/she doesn't feel that way. Don't settle for loneliness, solitude is much better.
This tweet from Raj is so relatable.
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Cheers ✌️.
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